There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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