Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
