I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
