i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
