God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
