i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
