She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize