You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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