I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
