Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
