Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
