I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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