You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
