i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
