I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
