I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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