I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
