Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
