i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
