Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize
