Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize