I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
