he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
