She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
