I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
