if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
