After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
