margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
