Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She's the barista slut.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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