I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
