Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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