i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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