You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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