I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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