Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
