The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
