Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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