you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
