but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
