i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
