Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize