We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
