I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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