Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
