she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
