Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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