I wish I could teleport
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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