Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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