how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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