i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
