I want to stick my p in your. b.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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