i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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