People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
