thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
