You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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