i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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