at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
