As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
