I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
