Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
