Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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