and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
