i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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