____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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