it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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