I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
