Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
