Your face is a jimmy john
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
