i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
