And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
