I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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