My nipple is on Facebook.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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