No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
