You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
