you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
