He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
