oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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