i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
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